The other day, a good friend posted his reaction to a Newsweek article entitled, "The Case for International Adoption". I had a very strong, almost visceral reaction to his blog post and wanted to share my thoughts. He has been very generous in his response and invited me to be a guest blogger which I am very excited about. This isn't something that I usually talk about, and it was great to kind of purge a lot of my feelings about international adoption. I still have many conflicting views about what I believe, and am happy that this dialogue with AJ has begun. Stay tuned for more!
Here is my reaction to his blog, which can also be seen in the comment section under his post:
AJ, thanks for sharing your views as usual. As a fellow transnational/ethnic/racial adoptee, I fundamentally disagree with the main thesis of your article, which is that love and a caring environment are not sufficient in an international/transracial adoption. As someone who was raised, along with my adopted sister, through complete and total assimilation, my perspective and upbringing suggest one completely different from yours. I honestly don’t think that one is better or more appropriate than the other, they are just different. I have examined international/interracial adoption from a myriad of lenses, as you have – personal anecdote and observation, my own emotions and reactions, an attempted academic understanding through child development classes at university, volunteering with young Korean-American adoptees, and two years living and working in the country of my birth. My thoughts on your post:
1) Learning about birth heritage as a crucial component of interracial adoption: While I think that learning about the country of one’s birth is important, I would hesitate to say that it is a crucial component to one’s upbringing. Let’s say my parents sent me to language class every week (like my Korean-American friends did) and sent me to Korea every year but refused to hug me. Or refused to say “I love you”. Love is the crucial factor in interracial adoptions, not heritage. I know you write that you firmly believe in both, but it still seems you think that denying a family a child because they refuse to embrace the child’s birth culture justifiable. I take issue with this.
2) Same-ethnicity adoptions “are surely not, at their deepest level what an adopted person from a different ethnicity endures.”: This statement was deeply concerning to me as I consider it unfounded and insensitive. While I think that we do have unique perspectives as interracially adopted individuals, we, similar to the Newsweek writer, do not and cannot understand the perspective of every adoptee, whether same ethnicity- or transracially- adopted. You cannot judge the “deepest level” of someone else’s emotional and psychological development. I also have issue with the word choice of “endure”. I “endured” unconditional love from two wonderful parents? I “endured” an excellent education? I “endured” not being a social outcast (which would have been my fate in South Korea had I not been adopted). I wish you could clarify what “set of issues” a transracial adoptee “endures”. Do you think that these “issues” would be more or less bearable with more or less of a loving environment and/or understanding of one’s birth culture?… See More
3) Respecting birth culture as a child grows up: I appreciate how steadfast you are regarding these issues, but you use very strong language such as “you have no business as parents (I don’t’ care how much you love a child) raising an internationally adopted child without any association to their birth origins” and “You’re doing a child no favors by taking them from their birth culture and indoctrinating them in yours, except for physical comfort.” I think you take a very black and white view of adoption here – indoctrination? Really? You provide no qualifiers or examples of what a supposed exposure to one’s birth culture involves and indicate that the obvious opposite is “indoctrination”. This is a giant, unsubstantiated leap into a very strong accusation. I look back to my own upbringing – my parents don’t like kimchi, does that mean that they “indoctrinated” me to lasagna? I think that your post would be stronger if you provided concrete examples. How far do you expect adopted parents to go to expose their children to their birth culture? I remember volunteering with the Big Sis/Little Sis program at Tufts, which placed Korean-American college students with Korean-American children. My little sis was a seventh grader; I remembered the seventh grade. The only thing she wanted to do on her Saturday mornings was play with her friends, be liked, and not be reminded that she is different. My parents did not “indoctrinate” me, they made me feel loved and accepted and chose not to treat me differently. One look in the mirror and I knew that I was different – this did not change the way they loved or treated me.
4) General demographic trends of international/transracial adoption in America: At one point in your post you also opine/claim that the type of people who are adopting internationally are “those … who generally take interest in other cultures, eat different ethnic foods, have friends who don’t look just like them, and live in diverse communities.” Is this true? I could not find demographic information on the profiles of adoptive parents, but I could find the states from which Americans are adopting the most here (http://adoption.state.gov/news/us_map.html). Comparing these statistics with the countries where people are adopting the most (in order: China, Ethiopia, Russia, South Korea and Guatemala, found here http://adoption.state.gov/news/total_chart.html), I wonder what the statistics are per state. How many of the almost 2,300 Ethiopians make their way to Minnesota, a state with a high level of adoptions? Or how many of the (most likely) 3,000 Chinese baby girls find themselves in Michigan? I make no assumptions about the level of diversity in these states, but again, would ask you, what do you think is the cultural imperative for these parents?
5) Cultural socialization as a child versus as an adult: You write that “It’s one thing to make a conscious choice to get in touch with your birth culture when you are an adult. It’s quite another to be raised by a family that honors and respects your birth heritage by giving you chances to interact with it.” Again, because you provide no concrete examples of what it means to “honor and respect your birth heritage” I must assume the worst. After university, I decided of my own accord to learn about Korean culture, cuisine, and language on the Fulbright program. I chose this program because I was psychologically, mentally and emotionally prepared for this. It was my decision and I think it helped me understand that different is not better or worse, it just is…..different. My parents did not “dishonor and disrespect” my birth heritage because they chose not to raise me to understand who King Sejong was, the significance of wedding ducks, the two-handed handshake, and the depth of one’s deferential bow; they chose to honor and respect me and their unconditional love for their child irrespective of race, ethnicity and birthplace.
As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts, I always enjoy reading them. I look forward to the next post!
