Getting reacquainted with amuurrrrica

Hello America,
Here are some things I am still getting accustomed to being back on your free shores...

~ I do not have to give my shopping bags to the security attendant at the store. Because a) there is no security attendant and b) you probably have security cameras and c) you want me to have to lug my huge bags all over your store like a bull in a china shop. One point for India.

~ It is apparently not appropriate or couth to walk around the city with a sweat rag, wiping all the driblets of sweat off my brow. Here you apparently call them handkerchiefs and I've only seen one person using them in this humidity. And he was South Asian. Since being back in your country I have ignored two people I know on the street (a sly turning around or looking at cracks in the sidewalk) because I was mid-wipe and melting in the heat. That's just not how you want to greet someone you haven't seen for a year.

~ Everything is in one place. And it's called Rite Aid. And it's ah-may-zing.

~ I can understand (almost) all the conversations around me. Including the obnoxious elliptical man at the gym yelling at the staff. Including the asinine teenage conversation on the Metro. Bah! Make it stop! I am no longer alone with my thoughts while walking down the street.

~ I have road rage. But so does everyone else here. So when I make inappropriate hand signals and yell in traffic, the recipient of my rage also does the same and it is not just a shoulder shrug apology or a hand twisty motion symbolizing anger (does anyone know what I am talking about?). Instead, I get, "I hope you don't have children with a mouth like that." Ooopsy.

~ Yogurt has become popular in this country. And Ice Berry apparently only hires Ko-reans. Which is fine, except that they charge me $6 for this fruity yogurty deliciousness.

~ I can look around when I walk because there is not the same feeling of fear and trepidation walking down the street. I am not constantly on the lookout for unknown puddles of water or feces. I am actually surprised and disgusted when I see spittle on the ground.

Le sigh.... I miss India.